Monday, March 26, 2012

RE Results

DH and I had our much anticipated RE consultation last Monday. I don't know why I was so nervous- I knew we couldn't receive worse information than the last visit (I mean, it was zero last time!). RE was super excited about DH's results! I tried to act giddy when he said he wanted us to come back in 2 months for another SA and hopefully have enough for an IUI round in June. But really, as ungrateful as it may seem (and believe me, I am grateful and know our prognosis is soooooooooo much better now) I was trying to fight back the lump in my throat. I know, I know... What's 2 more months when I've been waiting 14? But I have just come to the conclusion that I won't rest easy or believe anything is good news until I am pregnant... really pregnant... like 7 months pregnant.

This has caused some frustrations between DH and me. He is understandably ecstatic about the news! He feels such a sense of relief and I am so glad he is able to feel those feelings! He is just a bit annoyed that I can be "bouncing off the walls excited" like he is. Just this past weekend he was finally opening up to the idea that it's ok that we have different feelings about this journey. But I promise I will bounce off the walls with excitement when/if we get pregnant!!

Friday, March 16, 2012


I can't believe I'm actually writing this, but DH has sperm!! Not much, but it's there... It's real! DH went in for his 3 month check up since starting the hcg injections. The results showed that he had 16 million sperm, but only 1 million were useable. We go in for a consultation with the RE on Monday. This is the best news I've heard in 6 months!!!!

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Ready for the Next Phase

So tomorrow's the day.  DH will go in for his 3 month SA to see if the HCG injections have started sperm production.  The past three months have really seemed to fly by, but the past week has taken an eternity.  In the past when DH has had his SA, he has received the results the same day.  This time however, they told us that it might take 48-72 hours- though they told us that we may hear earlier if his count is still zero.  We are certainly hoping for the best and have reason to feel that way.  DH has had more energy, increased libido, and has even felt quite agitated from time to time (we assume this may be from an increased testosterone level). So while we are hopeful, we have tried to prepare ourselves for the worst... as much as we can.  It's helped to focus on our "Plan B" just in case.  We haven't really gotten much information regarding adoption, but we've talked about it enough so that if the results from the test are bad, we know the world is not over.

It's hard to come back to this place.  For three months, we were able to feel somewhat normal.  We didn't have any appointments, we were able to genuinely laugh, completely enjoy each other's company (most of the time;), and just focus on other things.  This appointment is really stirring up those feelings that I hate so much.  The holidays were the worst I've ever experienced and do not want to return to those feelings.  I know there is nothing else we could have done and I take some comfort in that, but MAN, would it be more comfortable to have a sperm count higher than zero!  Keep your fingers crossed!