Warning: this post is all about sex (no dirty details, though)
Here is the story of me and my frenemy, Sex. You see, Sex and I were pretty good friends 2.5 years ago. At the beginning of my marriage, she (yes, I am referring to sex as a "she") allowed me to grow closer with my husband, she came around often, and she was just a blast!
When DH and I first started TTC, she was still pretty fun to have around- DH really liked her too! But then, after about 3 months, Sex really started to get on my nerves. She was becoming less of a friend and more of a nag. I was getting tired of putting all of this effort in to her, only to receive nothing in return. Although DH had really loved Sex in the beginning, he even started to get frustrated with her. He noticed that she started visiting for one week a month and would drop off the planet until the same time next month. He started to miss her, but I was comfortable with the arrangement she and I had.
I guess I knew in some way that it was building up to this point, but after we got DH's azoo diagnosis, my relationship with Sex reached an all new level. Once my friend, she was now my enemy! I subconsciously decided that she and I needed to go our separate ways. She wasn't the friend I thought she was and ultimately my feelings were hurt.
Sex and I didn't see eachother for two whole months. I couldn't stand to even think about her! But what I didn't realize was how my failing relationship with Sex was affecting my relationship with DH. He never said anything, but I felt a distance from him I hadn't felt before. I started to get scared that my resentment towards Sex could cause irreparable damage in my marriage. I started to kind of miss her myself- not enough to call her up and make plans though. I wanted her to just pop in sometime and surprise us. I was worried that I'd never get the old Sex back- my fun friend. I went as far as to pray that God would bring her back into my life so I could feel somewhat normal again.
Well, I am happy to report that my prayers were answered tonight. Sex stopped by, she apologized for being a crappy friend, and decided to stick around for longer than a week this time:).
Sex was difficult for us as well after getting our azoo diagnosis. I think the first time we had sex after that (which was about 2 months later), we both cried afterwards. But, we soon came to accept our reality, and then it became even more enjoyable than when we were first married. I know that "she" will come to be your good friend again :)
ReplyDeleteSex has felt like a chore the ENTIRE time we've been TTC. We used to do it like 4 times a day and now it's once a month or so. I hate this and I, too, feel like my husband is disappointed but not saying anything.
ReplyDeleteMaybe she'll come visit me, too? ;)